Out but not down

"To be walked all over you have to be lying down"

One of my favourite quotes that i sometimes repeat to myself in order to try and improve my performance. It sums up how i'm playing at the moment, but i'm not going to be depressing, i'm taking positives today.

I lost today in the first round of the tournament, 2-0 best of three, with a handicap of 21 each time. My opponent was a half decent player, funny enough he reminded me of how I used to be able to play, and was reassuring to know that when i get back to the standard i was i could beat him, even whitewash him. So revenge is on the cards, just got to wait until the next tournament.

My friend went out in the second round, having got a buy in the first frame, lost 2-1 to some guy he should have wiped the floor with, and looked to be doing in the first 10 minutes.

My attitude is starting to change, this tournament has made me feel better and inspired me to try hard in the new year. What i need now is a break from snooker, i'm not going to play in january i don't think, certainly not a match.

Practice is what i need, watching some of the good players today at the club reminded me how much i miss potting, and potting well. I miss compliments from other tables as to how i'm playing and some of the characters you can only find in a snooker hall.

I'm going to beat my best break of 30 next year, thats for sure. I'm half considering a new cue, although i know it's not the way to solve problems on a table, but i think spending more than £30 on a cue will stop me thrashing it about (i've already split the wood and it's taped together!) and while searching for the cue and researching what will be best, i might just regain some interest in the game again, it's inspiration i need, i can't even find it from watching the pro's which used to make me produce some of my best stuff.

One day to go...

Sunday 17th December represents my first tournament ever in snooker, and nerves and anticipation are running high. However none higher than the anger I have at the moment for my own attitude to snooker.

This tournament could not come at a worse time, and i don't know when my next chance will be to represent myself.

When I started playing again a couple of months ago I set myself a target of 'mid december' to get back to where I was before I took a break. That date is now here and bollocks have I got anywhere near, it's one day to go until the biggest game of my life and my cue tip is in a clamp drying, having been reduced to a third of the size it was when i played my final game tonigh before the tournament.

I realised in the first 5 minutes playing tonight that my problem may not be with the way i'm playing. I know it's like a bad worker, blaming their tools, but i realised my cue tip may be too big, and it sunk in more as shots i would eat up all day, even in practice, where going miles, and i mean miles, wide.

However my biggest problem is my attitude. It's one thing changing the way I play or the cue tip I use, but my attitude can't be changed overnight, right now I want to put away my cue and not play for at least a year. You can see my problem going into a major game, which i'm hoping will inspire me.

With that rant out of the way, I want to try and give myself some confidence. I've re-tipped my cue, which I hope will give me a better feel for the ball. When I re-tipped my cue after the first one broke, i've never been the same, not able to get to my previous best of 30. The tip I have been using up till tonight was, in my opinion now, too big. I'll have a few hits tomorrow with it, but i'm on the piss all day as Forest are playing Leyton Orient at home and will be battered, so if i don't play well at 10 sunday morning it may well be due to hangover, which I could live with.

Also I don't know how I play under pressure. Tournament pressure must be bigger, and there are some real premadonnas at the club I play at, so beating a few arseholes would be real sweet. If i bring my best game i'd fancy seeing out the winner a few years back, who missed one or two balls tonight!

I'll set myself a goal of just getting by the first round (Last 16 sounds better), or equally as important getting further than my friend who is also playing on Sunday (and beat me 4-1 tonight)

What I am sure of is that Sunday will be the last time I hit a snooker ball before christmas, because I really need the break, and depending on how Sunday goes, maybe the last ball I hit for the foreseeable future. Playing snooker at the moment is a chore for me. Why pay for the experience of beating myself up and leaving often angry and low in confidence?

I think when I do decide to return to the tables, it will be the practice tables, facing an opponent is just too much at the moment. I know i'm not playing well at the moment but maybe that's all it is? maybe in the near future my fortunes and gameplay will improve? comparing it to my love of football, all teams go through rough patches and come out to do well, possibly thats what could happen to me.

I do intend to play snooker all my life, and still at an early age and only having 4 years experience, this is the first time my progress has haulted, and if I can get another good 4 years after this low patch, thats not too bad going!

I think thats about everything off my chest, and I have to say it's helped. We'll just have to see what goes on Sunday, I'll be sure to write up my progress.